The Los Angeles Clippers Are Old, Overhyped, and Cursed

The news article presents a skeptical view of the LA Clippers' championship chances despite their star-studded roster for the upcoming NBA season, humorously highlighting concerns about the team's advanced age and injury history.

It notes that while the Clippers boast impressive talent like Kawhi Leonard, James Harden, Chris Paul, Bradley Beal, and Brook Lopez, generating championship talk in Southern California, there is significant doubt elsewhere in the league ("Where can I bet against this?"). Teams are reportedly requesting their games against the Clippers be scheduled after the All-Star break, anticipating the older players might take a prolonged "midseason nap".

The article lists five main reasons why the Clippers won't win the championship:

1. The team can likely "coast" into the playoffs due to talent, but the postseason requires intense effort ("uphill grind"), and coasting then leads to regression.

2. Kawhi Leonard's history of "load management" extends even to the playoffs, and the chances of Leonard, Harden, and Paul all being healthy and playing together deep into a playoff series are very low ("slimmer than winter pickin’s").

3. The roster includes many older players (Lopez, Beal, Bogdanovic, Batum, Dunn) and others with significant injury histories (Collins, Zubac). By a tough Game 7, the bench could metaphorically be replaced with "recliners".

4. The demanding path through the Western Conference playoffs (e.g., facing teams like the Mavericks and Nuggets before the Thunder) is seen as too physically taxing for such an old roster ("At their age, no chance").

5. A hypothetical first-round playoff matchup against the Lakers is framed as "award-winning theater" for the "heavyweight championship of L.A.", but the writer jokingly favors a younger, "inspired Luka Doncic" over an aging, "bloated Harden".